and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
