He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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