Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
