I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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