All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
