I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
