she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize