I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
