First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
