My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
