i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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