This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I need water and some morals
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
