Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
