STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize