I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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