We're like a lot better than the average bears
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
