Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Randomize
