Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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