How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
