i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Alive.
So much puke
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
