did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
