He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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