Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
