My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
