got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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