sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize