I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize