But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
