Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
