just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
my penis made a compromise with my morals
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
