margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize