Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
