You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
