I cannot find my penis.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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