I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I intend to get homeless drunk
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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