:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
two words: eviction party
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
