What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize
