I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
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