Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
