I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
