dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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