Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
People in love make me want to vomit
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
