Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
