we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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