i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
