i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize