If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
