I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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