Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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