I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
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