Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
