i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
