Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
