the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
