I love black thongs
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
