ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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