Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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