He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
