Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
