I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
