K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
