all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
